This morning I was distraught with emotions that were causing extreme discomfort inside of my heart. Instead of trying to change all of the elements causing the distress in my heart (which is what I would normally try to do) I asked myself to find connection first.
What does connection feel like? Connection feels like confidence, steadiness, and clarity about the big picture. Connection feels like feeling right about where you are, what you're doing, and how you are holding yourself. Connection feels like being proud of who you are. Connection feels open, honest, and brilliant.
If things are going well and you like the stuff and people you are pulling into your life then it is easy to feel good. That is the reason why we try to change the conditions in our lives. If more money feels good then we do what we can to make more money. If being loved by someone feels good then we do what we can to be surrounded by that person. Seems completely normal right? Like the smart thing to do right?
The problem here is that when things don't go your way or you loose your money unexpectedly or your person walks out the front door, you are left with no other choice but to feel bad. If you are using the good conditions to feel good then you are definitely using the shitty conditions to feel bad. This is conditional living. What is unconditional living? It is the ability to remain connected to yourself in the midst of things you do not like.
How do you get connected? Depends on you. If you need a good vacation or a relationship to help you find connection then you are going to be at a loss. There are things that help us find connection like yoga, like running, like playing chess... but again what if you don't have your running sneakers or your chess board and partner? These are all conditions. I recommend finding a practice that is free and can be done wherever you are.
Meditation is free and an easy practice that offers huge results. You can meditate anywhere you go and in any state of mind. The sentence I most often hear acupuncture clients say out loud when I prescribe meditation as their homework it is "I can't clear my mind."
How do I meditate? Don't clear your mind, watch your mind. Watch the up and the down and scattered restlessness. Watch the frantic to the peaceful thoughts. Meditation is a relationship that requires practice and dedication. If you never spent the time to communicate with your loved one, don't you think your relationship would suffer? Don't you think it would be hard to be on the same page with the same goals and the same route if you didn't have a conversation about it? When you meditate you are solidifying your relationship with yourself. When you have a strong connection between you and you, you have the power and brilliance to work through anything that comes your way.
If you can add connection to every conversation, every meal, every movie you watch, every drive in your car, every workout, every moment with your children, every sexual experience, every email, and every text, the mundane becomes exhilarating. Connection to self gives you access to the feelings you desire. There is nothing worse than being in the elements of all the things you like that you worked hard for and you come to find a lack of joy or happiness. It is a simple fix. You haven't done anything wrong, you haven't worked hard for nothing... you are only missing connection! When you reconnect to your self you can feel the joy, the contentment, the peace that the situation offers to you.
Should I feel my feelings? Can I trust them? Your feelings are incredibly important to the shaping of your life. If you like something, keep doing it. If you don't like it, stop. It is simple as long as you are connected FIRST. Don't numb out, don't try to like something you don't like, and for heavens sake don't settle for less than what you want. Stick to your gut and reach for the things you want. Get connected and then FEEL IT ALL.